One of the more interesting “features” of the human mind is our tendency to embrace an irrational belief when we’re not willing to look for (or accept) a more rational explanation. This is especially apparent when it comes to romantic relationships. Without a doubt, one of the best (or worst) examples of this is the mythical but wildly popular belief in THE ONE (emphasis not mine). Quite literally a fairy tale, this notion preaches that, somewhere out there, there exists exactly one person whom destiny has chosen for you to live happily ever after with. Your perfect match, if and only if.
The logical problems with this idea become obvious once you begin picking it apart. Start with a world population of roughly 6.6 billion people. Cut that in half to get 3.3 billion people of the opposite (let’s just say “preferred”) gender. For simplicity’s sake, let’s assume only a third of those people are within a reasonable dating age range. So there may be as many as 1 billion potential mates for you out there, and you’re supposed to whittle it down to just one? Not just any one, mind you, but THE ONE? The National Weather Service thinks you’re more likely to get struck by lightning… twice.
And that’s only the beginning. Let’s say you somehow overcome those astronomical odds, you finally find that perfect soulmate, and with knuckles white, you cling on for dear life. But then something horrible happens… Maybe the sentiment isn’t reciprocated. Or maybe this person turns out to be an abusive asshole. Or maybe, heaven forbid, your lover’s life tragically ends before yours does. What now? I mean, you can’t find a second THE ONE, right? So, if you don’t doubt the dogma, you only have two options. You can go on believing that this was your one true love, dooming yourself to wander the planet a lost lonely soul for the rest of your life. Or you can take it all back, try to convince yourself that you were wrong–that, in fact, this wasn’t THE ONE–and start looking through that haystack all over again.
Another deleterious effect of this perspective on relationships is that it can make you head for the hills at the slightest chance of stormy weather. Can’t decide on which restaurant to dine at, or what movie to see afterwards? Well, you obviously can’t be soulmates then, right? Sure, I’m exaggerating, but not by much. Just stop and think about the divorce rate nowadays. People expect too much from a significant other. All this “you complete me” nonsense sets the bar pretty high.
The ugly truth is, all relationships have problems. No one is perfect for you, but plenty are compatible. The relationships that last are the ones where both partners are able and willing to work through the rough spots. And even then, the time you spend with those you love is always fleeting and temporary. In the end, we can only consider ourselves lucky for the good times and hopefully a better person for the bad times.