no such thing
Dating is a lot like Jurassic Park in that you think you have everything under control until you realize that an anomaly in the frog DNA you used to splice together the dino DNA has allowed them to reproduce asexually and then all of the sudden a T Rex is eating a lawyer off a …
Continue reading “Where the hell is Ian Malcolm when you need him?”
Tonight, at a bar, a girl I’ve been sort of talking to sporadically asks: “So who are you dating this week?” I think it was meant as a jab, but I secretly find it awesome and hilarious.
Sometimes, when I’m out driving, I’ll see an ambulance with lights ablaze, and I’ll think to myself… “Whoever it is they’re trying to save, I hope they die.” I don’t know why. And immediately, I’m ashamed of it.
My best friends have always been the ones who seldom sleep.
An excerpt from a text message exchange this weekend: Concerned Friend #2: How have you been really? Myself: I’m somewhere between dealing with shit and not.
One of my favorite bars here (not that the list is very long) is called The Griffin. Yes, as in that medieval monster thing you’ve probably seen on a coat of arms or two. Appropriately, the interior looks like some sort of castle or dungeon straight out of Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. …
Continue reading “Tonight’s forecast: scattered thoughts with no chance of an overarching theme”
12:30 am on a Sunday evening / Monday morning, drunk, watching a movie by myself, and did you know that “aloof” and “alone” are the same T9 predictive text sequence?
Dear Perplexed Single People of the World, Have you ever noticed that the more doggedly you pursue someone romantically, the more likely that person is to just shrug it off and ignore you? And conversely, have you ever noticed that the less interested you are in the affections of an admirer, the more persistent that …
The main light in my kitchen is one of those long fluorescent ones, with a deeply rounded plastic covering. During a housecleaning marathon this summer, I went to the trouble of removing the cover and cleaning out all the dead bugs that had christened it their final resting place It remained fairly pristine until a …
Continue reading “Standing idly by as Gregor Samsa slowly starves to death”
I constantly seesaw between wanting to fix the world and wanting to blow it up.